Whether you’re a Mike Trout or a Mike Vick fan, fall is a tough time of year for non-sports fans. Then there are those for whom it’s Miller time, as the days start to cool a little, the NFL is here to stay for a while, the baseball season starts to get really interesting (Dodgers anyone?) and for people like me, the football channel is on pretty much 24/7. Others begin to salivate for hockey- remember the playoffs? or basketball- remember THOSE playoffs? and in general, we sports fans all have our fixes as fall brightens the trees.
For those who know me well, only my closest and dearest friends are allowed to call me on hallowed days like Sunday, Monday and Thursdays when games are playing. If I recognize the number, I’ll pick it up. Otherwise, I’m buried in the game. Off game time I’ll discuss fumbles and pick sixes and game winning drives with any fool dumb enough to start a football conversation with me. And here’s my point. There are times to turn this off. Despite my love for the game, which my girlfriend Lori knows will dominate the Thanksgiving table when her husband Brad and I get going, there are times you need to flip the switch for others.
Whatever you’re crazy about, be it sports, your toy train collection, your IT expertise that you love to obfuscate conversations with or the fascination you have with stilettos, when others glaze over, shut up. Listen. There are those who don’t share our passions. And sometimes we simply don’t realize that we are steamrolling- and isolating- others in our world when we overwhelm and overtalk what we love.
Guys don’t appreciate it when a group of women gather and take over the conversation to discuss the latest sales at Neiman’s or the latest news about baby clothes. Any more than women like it when the guys overwhelm a business meeting with a play-by-play that completely leaves out most of the women in the room (unless of course they’re as avid as I am). Sometimes it’s a ploy to take over the conversation. Sometimes people have no clue what they’re doing. And sometimes, they most assuredly do know, such as when an expert wields highly technical knowledge that they know you don’t only to make the point about how little you understand his specialized knowledge. It’s offensive in all cases.
There are lots of ways to respond. You can stomp out and be angry. You can join in. You can learn the language. My friend Meg was married to a sports broadcaster, and to her advantage she learned the language and the issues. It served her well- she sat for years on the boards of the country’s biggest banks, including Wells Fargo. You can gently change the subject, or ask good, intelligent questions to learn more. Be curious. Getting uptight is the worst response.
What’s perhaps most important- and I have to remember this as much as anyone in my football circles, that not everyone shares my passion for pigskin. Certainly not every man, but increasingly I find women who do. The point is to be aware of when you’re being overbearing. When someone is starting to overwhelm you, the meeting, the party, find a lighthearted way to redirect. Depending on the circumstances you may learn something new, make new friends, discover a new passion yourself.
So as we enter into my favorite time of the year, I have to remember that fall doesn’t mean football to everybody else. Let’s stay open to other people’s interests, and gently remind them that we have a few of our own.