WordFood

Two incidents recently reminded me of how important it is that we step outside ourselves and be in someone else’s shoes. This week I called a client at Chevron to stay in touch. It was a sales call, a friendly maintenance call. When I brightly asked him how he was doing he said, “Not so good, my father just died about ten days ago.” Well instantly my demeanor changed and I offered my heartfelt condolences, and we spoke quietly about fathers and legacies and losses. He spoke about what this meant to him and the work he was doing and if he was making the right difference in his life. It was an important conversation for both of us, and very important for me to be witness to this man’s quiet words of introspection, to be respectful. To offer WordFood of grace for where he was at that moment, and absolutely leave my needs aside. This is what empathy is, to step into another’s shoes, to feel what they feel, to get outside ourselves. We spoke for about twenty minutes, agreed to talk again soon. It was a warm, uplifting conversation that touched us both.

Then the other night I got a call from my trainer from Bally’s. He was unhappy that I was cancelling a large training package because of damage to my knees that has left me unable to walk without pain. His concern? His $700 commission, not my damaged knees. The whole conversation was about his lost commission, with no empathy about the months I’ve spent at the hospital getting therapy, MRIs, xrays, shots, and now possibly surgery. This young man isn’t expressing any empathy at all. As a fitness fanatic, of course I want to continue training- but I can’t. He only cares about his commission, not my welfare. When I do get back to training, it will be with someone else.  Now for my part, I can fully understand his concern about his commission, but had he shown a little more interest in the bigger picture of when I could get healthy and get back to the gym and train, well, that  would have been a different conversation.

Empathy allows us to hear another’s suffering, feel their pain, and give comfort. Be a friend.  Every day we have an opportunity  to get outside ourselves and be larger. Give WordFood of empathy to someone in your life today.

Sometimes we have moments when our less attractive “parts” come out and belly up to the karaoke mike of life and spew out unpleasantness. We don’t like to admit to those aspects of ourselves, but they are us, facets of us, and we can insult and hurt others. The most important thing we must do in these cases do our best to breathe in and either try to stop that part from soldiering on, or, if possible, take responsibility for the damage and make an apology.
Last week while in Baltimore I had an emergency. Some nasty critter bit my ankle and landed me in the emergency room for four hours, and I was in terrible pain. By the time I got to the hotel I was exhausted and still in a lot of pain, on crutches and cranky. At the counter, the manager and I got into an argument about how many nights I was staying. It spiraled out of control. He threw my credit card at me and I used foul language at him. We ended up agreeing I’d stay but the atmosphere was black between us.
As he carried my luggage to the room, I suddenly realized that I was in the wrong. I turned to him and asked his forgiveness immediately. I said that I’d had no right to be so rude and apologized profusely.
The look on this man’s face was profound. His whole countenance changed. He relaxed. He smiled and said, “I accept your apology.” And we were fine. Just like that. And I felt worlds better.
We all have moments when we are tired and irritable. It happens. Our egos get invested in being right and we get rigid. That small serving of humble pie was a gift to us both. He and I passed the rest of that evening in gracious exchange.
Are there times when a moment of humility, words of self effacing WordFood can transform an exchange?