Everyone deals with a whiner or complainer at some point. We may have married one. Often that person is someone we hired, maybe even a boss. This is a person who finds something wrong with everything and everybody. Perhaps they feel useless, and their way of getting back at the world is to complain. The truth is that you and I aren’t privy to their inner thoughts. We just don’t know what’s really going on inside them, what pain they are feeling or what motivates their behavior. All we have is what they do. And often, it can be pretty annoying.
There are lots of choices. You can leave the room (except if it’s your boss). You can shut the person out or ignore them. You can avoid them. You can cut that person out of your life if it’s a friend or someone outside your family. Much of this is avoidance on our part. There’s a very real potential that you’re part of the problem, and it takes some courage to look at where something you’re doing- or not doing- may be causing this person to express frustration. They may need something from you, ranging from communication, affection, support, coaching. Try to listen past the whining and really hear what’s being said rather than the complaining tone.
Another approach is to call this person on their behavior. Do it gently. We’re all 100% responsible for the results we have in our lives, and we draw our circumstances to us. There are no victims here. So if this person is complaining all the time, what exactly are they unhappy about? They created their world, their circumstances. They own it. Without hitting them over the head with this, you can point out that they have complete control over their circumstances and their world through how they feel about it. What window of perspective they choose to use. The situation doesn’t change but how they view it can shift in an instant.
As soon as someone sees where they own the problem, the circumstance, they can take responsibility. This is powerful WordFood. This changes them from being a victim to being the owner of their situation. They can see that what they created is actually teaching them important lessons, even making them stronger. And that they have choices, which we all have, in any situation, the choice to see and feel differently about what is going on in our lives.
When you invite your whiner to step outside themselves and see differently, you are feeding them powerful WordFood. It allows them to make a fundamental choice about how to be proactive instead of reactive. And for you, it’s a reminder of how positive WordFood reinforces these concepts for yourself. Not everyone will listen, but your inner self will hear, and respond. And sometimes, that is enough.