Do you have a part of you that likes to gossip? Many of us do. This negative part of us is also secretly fun- although invariably at others’ expense. But has it ever come back to bite you?
Let’s say you have a friend who is treating you badly, or so you think. You go around to all your friends and complain bitterly. You tell your story with yourself as the victim (as we all tend to do). Your friends take up your cause because they love you. Over time they form a mini “army” of haters against this person and lobby you to leave. Yet over time, you realize that perhaps you were wrong. You learn more. And realize that this person was pretty great after all. Now you have this army of haters that you now have to turn around. They are going to wonder what’s the matter with your judgement when you now want to be with such a horrible person.
You’ve got a responsibility now to clean up your act, and it’s with all your friends. With each of them you need to let them know you’ve been a gossip and that you badmouthed another person unfairly. That it wasn’t fair to that person, nor was it fair to your friend to engage them in such an ugly conversation. And from now on if they hear this kind of thing coming from you to call you out on it. Ask for their help. By doing this, you’re reading your unattractive gossipy part the riot act. By enlisting your loving friends in keeping you in line, you’re cleaning up your WordFood and you’re taking responsibility.
Have you created challenges with harmful WordFood? Engage your inner circle to keep your words supportive and uplifting. Keep gossip out of your life, and leave everyone around you feeling nourished and encouraged.
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- Julia Hubbel Julia’s ability to get this group of type-A executives to engage in true networking was incredible. She is truly skilled at motivating the group to engage and interact with each other, and her openness and honesty really come through.
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May 21, 2012
Harmful WordFood
May 19, 2012
Words to Improve Relationships
My neighbors, Marge and Everett, are in their seventies. Since moving here in 2006, I’ve visited them every so often and we’ve had a good connection. I’m single so sometimes I’ve had to ask Everett for help around the house, often using his long ladder to climb on the roof to dust the heavy snow off my dish during football season.
Just the other day when I again asked Everett for help with a recalcitrant spigot, he told me that Marge was beginning to have problems with my requests for his help. She’d been on meds that made her memory problematic and she was increasingly insecure, so she didn’t like my coming over and dragging him off. In addition, I hadn’t been over just visiting as often lately.
So yesterday I went next door and asked to see Marge. Twenty years ago Marge had been a senior manager in the health care system. We sat down in their living room and I asked her for help. She was a little confused. “I am developing a proposal for Catholic Health Initatives,” I explained. “And I could use your insight, opinions, background and knowledge about the healthcare industry.” Marge flustered a little, but then her face lit up. “I can do that,” she said. “Let me give it some thought. I’d like to help you.” I said I’d be back in a week with a notebook and pen and we’d get to work.
The truth is I could use her help and I really do have the potential for this work. And including Marge on this proposal is perfect for us both. This solves the problem of Marge’s discomfort with me, and it also gives us a great way to work together and she is likely to give me great ideas for my upcoming work. What a win win.
I had gotten selfish in using Everett for my own needs, and stopped thinking about how Marge also needed attention. Sometimes we get so caught up in life that we don’t consider others’ needs, especially those of older people, parents, people with so much still to offer.
Where might you create a WordFood opportunity to engage someone to make them feel valuable and important to you?
May 18, 2012
WordFood gets some nice words of Praise
Wordfood:How We Feed or Starve Our Relationships was awarded first prize in the business category and second in the self help category by the Colorado Independent Publisher’s Association in an awards ceremony last night here in the Denver area. This is high praise indeed from this organization of writers, editors and publishers, and I thank them. There were many more books entered this year in the competition so that makes winning even more special. I’m deeply grateful to the editorial team of Orvel Ray Wilson of Guerrilla Selling, Barb Munson, Karen Saunders, Kerrie Lian and Ted Simmons who did such a magnificent job on this wonderful book.
The book is available on Amazon.com and is a wonderful gift to anyone who wants to transform their interactions at the office, with their loved ones, with their clients and customers, friends or family. Gracious thanks again to CIPA and its judges for their kind decision.