WordFood - how we feed or starve our realtionships

- Julia Hubbel

Julia’s ability to get this group of type-A executives to engage in true networking was incredible. She is truly skilled at motivating the group to engage and interact with each other, and her openness and honesty really come through.

— Shelley Stewart, Jr.,
Senior Vice President of Operational Excellence and Chief Procurement Officer, Tyco

June 13, 2013

Don’t Wait until It’s Too Late

Filed under: Uncategorized — Tags: , , , , , — Julia Hubbel @ 10:57 am

Down in Florida is a lovely woman, my cousin, who allows me to write my books at her kitchen table. At the end of the day when she comes home from work, we head out for dinner. After a margarita, or a special chocolate martini, my cuz will regale me with tales that often end up in my books. One of them comes to mind.

This wonderful woman, we’ll call her Ellen, had a second husband, whom we’ll call Danny. They had a volatile relationship, largely because of Danny’s son from a previous marriage. This son was a pathological liar and a sociopath. Danny couldn’t see this, and the child pit the two against each other. Danny was also under considerable stress on his job.

For ten years, despite the great love they had for each other, this relationship was marred by toxic WordFood and hurtful battles that left them exhausted. Ellen found herself so emotionally damaged that she would curl up into a fetal position on the couch. At one point she demanded, and got, a separation. Danny went mad with grief and went overboard with flowers and gifts. For a while Ellen recuperated, even had an affair.

After some time away, Ellen realized that she really loved Danny, and wanted to try again. So they reconciled.

One month later Danny was diagnosed with terminal cancer. This news was devastating to the newly reunited couple. Suddenly they found the WordFood of love that had been missing for the previous eleven years of their marriage. In the final months of their time together, they were able to spend the kind of loving hours Ellen had dreamed of spending with Danny.

Why had it taken cancer and imminent loss to free these two loving people to find the kindness and care that had always existed? Are you trapped in a cycle of blame for what isn’t right in your life? So often, only a disaster can force determined people to see what they are about to lose, and the damage that being right causes in relationship.

Ellen is still sad that she wasn’t able to share more quality years with Danny. But her very true story serves as a reminder that now is the best time for gentility, courtesy, kindness, regard, and for expressing the love we feel for the ones we have married, given birth to, or call our significant other. For we aren’t guaranteed tomorrow. We have now. And it’s time to call them and use the WordFood of love to brighten their day.

June 24, 2012

Asking to be Fed WordFood

Filed under: Uncategorized — Tags: , , , , — Julia Hubbel @ 6:29 pm

Do you suffer in silence? Are you in a relationship where little is said and you hope for a kind word here and there? Perhaps you’ve been in this relationship for a long time, and there are habits of interaction and mind that have formed over the years. One of you comes home and the exchange goes like this:
Hi honey
Yeah hi
Howsa day
Howsa kids
Kids okay
Yah fine doing homework
Okay when’s dinner
‘Bout six
And at best you might get a small hug or a cheek buss at the door. And that’s the extent of your late day interaction.

And this, with the person you couldn’t WAIT to marry. You pined for and dreamed about.

Perhaps you’ve become resentful that your partner doesn’t notice that you wore something pretty today. Or that you have worn that sharp suit that takes ten pounds off your middle. Or perhaps you’re beginning to actually lose weight on that tough diet. Wouldn’t it be nice if they noticed and said something?

Sometimes, perhaps all too often, partners go on expecting the other to speak up first and neither does, and then there is an anger or resentment that begins. Well, you think, I won’t if she won’t. And she thinks the same thing. On it goes.

If we want to be fed delicious WordFood, sometimes the simplest thing to do is simply to ask for it. Tell your partner what you want to hear. They may have absolutely no clue what you need, what you crave, what you long for. And in fact if they did notice something it might be the wrong thing.

We need to teach each other our preferences for WordFood of love, and what feeds our souls. Let those we love know how we want to be acknowledged. Most of us want to please our partners and like to be needed. When given the chance to please, we often will.

Most of all, ask what others need first, and be willing to offer it. When you do this willingly, this is likely to open up a wonderful place in their hearts to reciprocate.

Try it next time you greet your partner. Say, do, be something different. Be appreciative. Find out what will feed their need to be seen as special. And watch them bloom.

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