WordFood

WordFood - how we feed or starve our realtionships

- Julia Hubbel

Julia’s ability to get this group of type-A executives to engage in true networking was incredible. She is truly skilled at motivating the group to engage and interact with each other, and her openness and honesty really come through.

— Shelley Stewart, Jr.,
Senior Vice President of Operational Excellence and Chief Procurement Officer, Tyco

August 3, 2012

WordFood for Customers

Filed under: Uncategorized — Tags: , , , , , , — Julia Hubbel @ 7:22 pm

Over the last several weeks I’ve had the opportunity to interact on multiple occasions with Verizon and an organization that shall stay unnamed but that you can say they have a lady sports car driver to promote it. I have a lot of products with them and I depend on them for my business. Motorola uploaded a piece of software euphemistically called “ice cream sundae” last week, and one of the results was I lost access to my email accounts. I spent two and a half hours on the phone with Verizon and part of that time was with this organization, whose customer service rep repeatedly said, “it’s not our problem.” Verizon couldn’t solve it, the other folks wouldn’t help, and I was left with a $500 phone that wasn’t working. I finally went to the Verizon store and was sent home with an app. The next day the app wouldn’t work and I spent another hour on the phone with this organization and they again said, “it’s not our problem.” I finally landed at the Verizon store again where Jeremiah, bless him, said he would fix it, and fix it he did. That earned him a heartfelt and detailed recommendation from me to his boss which got forwarded to his district manager.

This week something else went geeky with my email, and once again I lost six hours on the phone, calling repeatedly and getting different reps with this same company, all of whom said the same thing: “it’s not our problem.” By the end of the day I had called the Microsoft help line they gave me (six times, it hung up on me after eight rings), tore out and installed a new modem, set up a brand new computer which had the same issue, and finally landed at the Geek Squad. In ten seconds the guy at Geek Squad pointed at a spot on my computer and said- “there’s your problem.” I nearly kissed him, and I told his manager as much.

I had written an unhappy customer feedback form to this organization and one of their managers called me today. He was apologetic, and I explained that while the problem turned out to be something very simple that no one could have anticipated, it was the toxic WordFood that had been so frustrating. When you aren’t an expert and your technology simply defeats you, being told “it’s not our problem” repeatedly truly is toxic. So often it’s how things are handled, not that the problem can’t be solved. When we make the customer wrong, it can be costly, in the days of blogs and twitter.

Life happens. Technology is frustrating. Customers get defeated by their devices. And in a world where the Baby Boomers’ eyes are going to get dimmer and their hearing is going to get weaker, more and more phone calls like this are going to land in the laps of those giving guidance to those of us struggling to work with recalcitrant devices. It doesn’t help to make the customer wrong. When the Jeremiahs of the world will grab the device and work the problem until it’s fixed, he earns my loyalty to Verizon forever.

What WordFood are you serving your customer? Do you have Jeremiahs working for you?

July 23, 2012

WordFood Starvation Diet

Filed under: Uncategorized — Tags: , , , , , , — Julia Hubbel @ 2:35 pm

Today I went to my chiropractor to get a laser treatment on my knee. The technician who was administering the service asked me what I did for a living and I told her about my book and the idea of WordFood, and how we all put each other on “diets.”

“Well I just stop talking when I get mad,” she proclaimed. “I shut down and clam up.” I told her that this was what I described as the Starvation Diet, where others had to talk to her hand, and she wasn’t forthcoming about what they had done wrong.

As it related to her significant other, I asked her how she expected him to figure out where he had gone wrong or offended her. “He should be able to figure that out!” she exclaimed.

“Well, people can’t read minds,” I said gently. “One of you has to open the door. Either you have to take 100% responsibility for your end and let him know what he did wrong and let him clean it up, or on his end, he can apologize in general and say let’s at least open the door to a conversation here.”

She laughed. “I’d love it if he’d apologize,” she said.

Chances are he goes along in their relationship having no idea he’s done anything wrong in the first place while this lovely woman is fuming, I thought as she labored over my knee.

The Starvation Diet costs both parties with its silence. Someone has to step up to the plate and offer the peace branch. You’re both 100% responsible. Primarily the one holding the silence- because that person alone truly knows what the issue is.

If this sounds like you, perhaps it’s time to be a bit more forthcoming in your communication. Let others know if they have hurt you. You may fear confrontation or conflict as this technician does, but the promise of a more honest and open exchange awaits if you the let sun shine on what’s troubling you. You give up nothing by talking but you may give up everything over time by withholding communication.

July 14, 2012

Soothing WordFood in an Emergency

Filed under: Uncategorized — Tags: , , , , , , , , , — Julia Hubbel @ 10:45 am

Last night I was at my local Wells Fargo Bank making a deposit when I asked the teller for an updated balance. The balance showed only what had been deposited that day in my business account. I asked what had happened to the rest of the funds, and she said, you took it all out. I said that I hadn’t, and she turned the monitor to show me. “See? Here are your withdrawals.” My eyes nearly popped out of my cranium as I saw that some stranger had wiped out every red cent in my business account through cyber theft, leaving me with absolutely nothing. And vulnerable to more attacks.

I nearly went through the roof. Quickly the teller called a personal banker who brought me to her office and said precisely what I needed to hear. “We’re going to take care of you,” she said. “Let me handle this.” She was on the phone with the Fraud team in seconds and we closed the account. As it was late in the day on a Friday there wasn’t much else we could do except open a new business account which their business banker did right away.

I was given several numbers to call and that night I contacted the fraud lines. One of the young men I spoke with said, “Ma’am, I’ve been with Wells Fargo for four years. We’re going to get you through this, I guarantee it. You’re going to be taken care of.”

My business banker explained that Wells Fargo would take the loss in making me whole for the amount that I had lost. They aren’t insured for cyber crime like this. However I am working diligently with every law enforcement agency possible to help track down who did this, as I hardly think I’m the only victim. Likely this is a larger operation and I’m one of many.

That terribly vulnerable feeling that you have when the “house” you’ve built has been violated needs immediate attention. Whether you’ve had a theft, experienced a personal attack, like me had a cyber theft- you feel naked indeed. In that moment the most important thing is that those around you understand your need to feel secure and safe. You must hear the right words.

Wells Fargo has sometimes frustrated me in the past, and we don’t always see eye to eye. But every single banker who touched me yesterday went out of their way to ensure that I knew I would have my funds back and that I would be whole. That’s WordFood of the highest order and that is how you earn customer loyalty.

In your businesses, when you have a customer who is unhappy or in a jam, do your employees have the same authority and commitment to make sure they are kept whole? That they can feed your valued customers the WordFood they need to hear so that they will not only come back again and again, but tell all their friends how great you are as a company? No advertising is more powerful than this kind of word of mouth.

I never thought I’d say this but Wells Fargo has made me feel safe, and for that, they have earned my loyalty. Have you earned your customers’ loyalty? What have you taught your employees to say in an emergency?

This is one of the characteristics that make a good company great.

July 9, 2012

WordFood in our Messaging

Filed under: Uncategorized — Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , — Julia Hubbel @ 9:11 am

The wonderful thing about technology is that it’s instantaneous. The terrible thing about technology is that it’s instantaneous.

Have you ever received an email, a text, a tweet or a voicemail that set you off? And then you fired off an angry response, hit the Send button and, moments later, realized what you’d done and felt instant remorse?

That message was already off in the ether, bouncing around like an angry bowling ball, doing its damage. We can’t take it back. And it’s part of our permanent legacy.

Ouch.

A few weeks ago I received an email in my inbox from a competitor announcing a webinar they were doing for a client that I had been working on for a long time. I had a lot of feelings about that email, and I whipped off a note to my client that said, in effect, glad to see you’re working with this supplier, they’re good people. However, my bruised ego slipped in a sentence that clearly let it be known I wasn’t happy about not being chosen as their supplier.

A few minutes later I got a terse email from my client that said they weren’t, in fact using this supplier and that the webinar was free. Uh-oh. My client was clearly in the office and I made a call right away.

It turned out to be a good idea. She was writing me an angry response. She was insulted and offended by my email, and I had some serious cleaning up to do. I had to apologize for my tone and my poor WordFood. It took some explaining but we got through it. Now whether I’ve lost this multi-billion dollar client because of a bone-headed stunt on my part remains to be seen. The sad part about this is that this client has been one of my biggest supporters, and with one badly worded email I hurt our relationship- and it happens just that fast.

In our fast-paced, do it now world where we so often feel compelled to respond immediately to everything that we receive on our devices, it becomes easier and easier to make this kind of mistake. Our emotions are swift as lightning and they inform what we write. If we’re whipping out a text while we’re walking down the street we’re not likely to be thinking carefully about content and impact. An email isn’t going to be saved to be rewritten later before it’s sent out, like mine should have been. We end up sending out toxic WordFood without realizing it and it can have devastating effects personally and professionally.

If there is a remedy to this, it’s to install an internal regulator or questioning system that automatically puts forth the challenge “How would I feel if I got this message?” Some kind of discipline that asks us to take a breath before we overreact to something we’ve received. In the moment, we may be feeling righteous, but with time and information that indignation often goes away.

Before you fire off an angry response, keep in mind a few key things:

  • chances are you may not know the whole story
  • without context it’s easy to read emotions into the words that may be inaccurate
  • re-reading the same message an hour later may give you an entirely different viewpoint
  • doing a little research could provide you with everything you need to know the whole picture

My email may have simply cost me some embarrassment, and it was a good lesson in keeping my ego in check and being sensitive to my client. The more sophisticated our devices become, the swifter the communications, the more vigilant we need to be in reining in our lightning fast emotional responses to the messages we receive.

July 3, 2012

The WordFood Ballpark Diet

Filed under: Uncategorized — Tags: , , , , , , , , — Julia Hubbel @ 11:02 am

Have you ever met someone who talks about one thing, and one thing only? You can’t get them off that one nut? I know people like that. Sometimes it’s high tech, or it can be a hobby, or sports. In WordFood parlance that’s called the Ballpark Diet, when people are a one trick pony. Sometimes this is when they use language that’s way over your head to lord it over you to show their superiority. Other times it’s when they really can’t switch off, and they are in a comfort zone. It’s nearly impossible for them to talk about much else.

I use the example of two male friends who’ve known each other for years but who only talk about sports. One friend’s wife gets cancer, and he wants to discuss this with his pal, but his pal is incapable of engaging him on this subject. It’s just too personal and deep. We all know people like this. We have to find new avenues to approach this person and ask them questions about how they might feel if this happened to them and make it personal and real, so that it engages the emotions. We have to touch a different part of their psyche so that they’re not running on automatic all the time, always in that zone. We need to take a chance to engage them in a neutral area, where there is a possibility for a different kind of exchange, a more authentic conversation. This takes empathy on our part, putting ourselves in their shoes, and considering their feelings, not trying to force them around to our way of thinking.

However, BallPark can work to our advantage at times as well. For example, a client of mine is a Bears fan. I happen to be a football fanatic, which he didn’t know. This client had been on the fence for a long time about using me as a speaker for an event of his. This time when I called him up I immediately asked him about aspects of the team’s performance and discussing my favorite Bear, Brian Urlacher. This took him by surprise, and we spent our first fifteen minutes happily engaged in football talk, aspects of the game, quarterback strategies. He was delighted to know I was a fan.

By the time things rolled around to business, there was a completely different openness to our working together. This time he spoke warmly about having me as a speaker, and since then events have moved forward.

It often helps to know someone’s Ballpark language to create the connection first. You don’t have to be an expert. It does help to do your homework. What people do appreciate is the effort to speak on their terms. If someone in IT starts using terminology that leaves you in the dust, gently remind them that you don’t have a degree in computer science. Most of the time they’ll revert to language for the rest of us humans.

If you’ve got a client who has a passion, it’s a great strategy to put a little effort into learning about it and engaging them on that topic. It can be a deal maker.

Where people are using the Ballpark Diet to keep others away, try finding that neutral ground where you can find something new to talk about and you won’t foul out. Be patient. There are good reasons they are playing it safe.

June 29, 2012

The Words We Feed Ourselves About Others

Filed under: Uncategorized — Tags: , , , , , , , — Julia Hubbel @ 7:26 pm

Have you ever talked yourself into a state of anger about someone else? Have you ever gotten a piece of information about someone, and based on that information, gotten very angry, although you may not have the whole picture? Sometimes we find out later we’re justified, and sometimes we’re wrong. Either way, we can expend a lot of energy being mad, and talking to others about this person, taking sides spewing our frustration. It can be costly if we don’t rein this in early on, and think about the consequences to ourselves and others.

This week I was on the phone with a client who is putting in a lot of hard work on a significant project at her company and being asked to do yeoman’s work with limited senior level assistance. More importantly, everyone pressures her to succeed, she is aware that all eyes are on this company wide project, and she has absolutely no funding to help her achieve her goals.

On the phone with one of her primary sponsors, she reported that this person told her on one hand that there was no money available but in the next breath that they were off to an international conference. She was furious- how could this so called supporter find the funds to head off overseas but not find funding for what was supposed to be such an important project?

It was tempting to take this personally. But the truth is that no one knows – we never know- what is going in on in another person’s mind, their life, their circumstances. This may be a once in a lifetime opportunity. This may be something this person has worked to achieve all their life. What she is seeing is a tiny bit of information and it’s being processed as it affects her project, and of course she’s going to take it personally. But there may be so many more facts affecting this situation. Were she to hear them, she might fully support the decision.

The choices are simple. She can be angry, resentful and frustrated at what she sees as the facts. Or she can take a larger view and realize that she isn’t aware of all the information, and to not let this sweep her away in anger. To not feed the fires of resentment, to not feed ourselves toxic WordFood about another person takes courage, especially when we think we’re right. What takes real courage is to hold the situation in question, and accept that we just don’t know. Because in truth, we don’t.

So perhaps this person goes to the conference and comes back with ideas for funding. Perhaps they come back energized and enthusiastic and full of renewed support for the big project and my client ends up with a real advocate. These are real possibilities.

My mother used to tease me about “jumping to conclusions.” Our emotions are quick to respond especially if something affects us personally. What makes us stronger, better, bigger people is the ability to recognize that we don’t know all there is to know in a situation, and never about what it is going on inside another person. Before we feed ourselves toxic WordFood about someone else, it serves to hold things in check, see what we can learn, and let things evolve. We may be surprised at what we find.

June 18, 2012

When Others Say WordFood Better Than You

Filed under: Uncategorized — Tags: , , , , , — Julia Hubbel @ 7:46 pm

This week I’m giving a speech at a conference of women who are selling their products and services to the Fortune 500. For the most part, this is a very savvy bunch, and they understand their customer very well. But not always.

In the nine years of attending these conferences I’ve seen instances of alcohol abuse, bad behavior and inappropriate clothing that have cost these smart women contracts- and this from comments made to me by my Fortune 500 friends. I wanted to make some kind of mention in my presentation, but how do I do this without sounding, well, parental or condescending? For the last three days I have gone over the wording and struggled with the slide. Considered forgetting it altogether but knew that it made sense to say something, but what and how?

The answer came today in the form of Caroline, another woman business owner whom I met at the coffee counter this afternoon. Her comment to me was that “The Fortune 500 consider us as extensions of themselves – they want us to represent them to their customers. That’s how they’re looking at how we look and behave.”

This is perfect. Why do I have to say it? One of their own should. And better Caroline than me.

It’s not up to me to moralize. It’s so much more effective, and so much softer, for another business woman to make the case for how to be successful.

Sometimes it can be tempting to be right, to be Moses on the mountain and march down with the tablets. But my bet will be that with Caroline as the messenger they will  find the advice palatable and even wise, and certainly will not resent it.

When you have a tough message to deliver, you might check in with your ego first and make sure there isn’t a warrior intent on cleaning house. While the warrior may sound attractive at some level, you may end up making enemies. Find a way to utilize another voice to express your message, using positive WordFood to equals.  Caroline gave me a nice lesson in WordFood diplomacy. It works in families, financial summits and the founding of nations.

June 11, 2012

The Tongue We Trip Over

Filed under: Uncategorized — Tags: , , , , , , — Julia Hubbel @ 3:21 pm

I just had a day when I had to do some apologizing. I sent an email that wasn’t as carefully thought out as it should have been and it landed badly. I had to do offer some serious courteous WordFood to clean up with my client. Then I was on a conference call and said some things that were out of turn and had to send another apologetic email.

Ever have a day like that?

No matter how well intentioned you start out, somehow your tongue or your typing gets all tangled, your mind gets mangled, and what comes out just isn’t what you intended. Not long afterwards you find yourself working backwards trying to mop up the mess.

It happens to all of us. As a wordsmith, I want to think I’m not subject to this kind of entanglement but I fall victim to it like everyone else. Life has a way of showing us who we are in all our glory- clumsy and awkward, and prone to failures. This isn’t fun to look at. But as my coach Lari puts it, it’s important to see how I’m capable of “foot in mouth” disease and be sensitive to how that impacts people. I need to see that this part exists in me, that if I’m not careful, inappropriate stuff slips out.

People realize that we’re not perfect. An honest apology will usually be accepted especially if it’s offered right away. And when we feel genuine remorse for any hurt or inconvenience we’ve caused, we need to express it. That’s a true and important emotion. These failures and missteps are the everyday fodder of feedback about who we are in life.

The best answer to a clodhopper day is to brush off the dust and keep on going. Sweat it off at the gym, take a walk around the block. The great thing is that most people are quick to forgive. We need to forgive ourselves for our periodic verbal clumsiness. When our WordFood doesn’t feed others the way we think it should, that’s not the time to go toxic on ourselves. We are all doing our best with what we’ve got. And that’s saying a lot.

WordFood for Top Performers

Filed under: Uncategorized — Tags: , , , , , , , , — Julia Hubbel @ 10:25 am

Are you lucky enough to have great performers on your team? Are they highly independent, self-starting individuals? Are you glad that you can pretty much let them do their own thing and leave them alone?

Then you may be making a big mistake.

It’s very easy to assume that these top performers don’t need feedback or management oversight. Sure, they don’t want micromanagement- they are, after all, intrapreneurs. They might even tell you that they don’t need you to look in on them. But this is largely untrue.

Your top performers all have egos. And they want to know you’re paying attention to their work. That doesn’t mean looking over their shoulders all the time. What it does mean is that you do check in and acknowledge them. Notice their achievements. Ask them their opinions and involve them in the development of new people. Watch their numbers and express your appreciation.

Don’t be fooled by their independence. Our highest achievers want positive WordFood from you. They want to know you’re paying attention to what they do. If you don’t, they will find somewhere else to work where they will get that pat on the back.

All too often well meaning leaders make the assumption that their best people don’t need attention. The opposite is true. These are the people who deserve the most acknowledgement. This teaches your lowest performers that to get more of your support, they have to step it up.

Many a great employee has left because he or she got ignored. Make sure you are giving Energy Enhancer compliments to those who are making your company successful. Find out how they want to be valued: everyone is unique.

Feed your best performers rich WordFood and they will continue to reward you.

June 8, 2012

WordFood for the Tough Jobs

Filed under: Uncategorized — Tags: , , , , , , , — Julia Hubbel @ 3:05 pm

This afternoon I was doing research for one of my WordFood leadership programs and was interviewing a manager at BNSF about her work. She has a demanding job that requires her to be pretty independent, and to take a lot of responsibility for her own results. I asked her, being as much as a self- starter as she is, how much she needs to hear that she’s doing a good job.

At first she said she didn’t need to hear much at all. “I really don’t need that kind of acknowledgement,” she explained. Then the more she thought about it, she added, “but you know, it would be nice to hear once in a while that people know it’s tough out here. Demanding and sometimes thankless. When we go over and above, it’s nice when that’s noticed. So, yes. It matters.”

When I turned the tables and inquired about how she took care of those who attended to her needs, it was a different story altogether. She shared one situation where she needed help from the IT department. She gave fair warning starting in January that she had a drop dead deadline on April 30th. Due to a series of circumstances, nothing was done and she ended up with a brand new IT person helping her at the last minute. This person had other, higher priorities, and often was dragged away. At key moments in this process my client would tell this overstressed IT person “You’re my hero today.”

This front line, brand new, overworked IT kid probably only heard this from my client but it was probably the best thing he heard all day. And he got the job done- at the last possible moment on April 31st, right at the drop dead last second.

While my client may not always think about her needs to be fed nutritious WordFood, she knows how to feed it to others, especially those who do the tough jobs on the bottom rungs. Sometimes we can forget the demands place on people in these positions, and get frustrated with them. Acknowledgement, thanks and recognition go a long way towards helping us meet our goals and making friends for future support.

Who does the tough jobs for you? How can you thank them today?

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